*...*

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time is cheating on me. not fair!
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i am just tired from the past days, so i took it easy today. too easy. because... i had forgotten what day is tomorrow.
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and now i have to work till 10:30 pm and don't know what to do about tomorrow.
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it' HIS special day.
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fuck! i am such a nimrod. how could i have forgotten this year february has 28 days and not 29?

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probably because i was so tired from being a housewife yesterday. i spent over 6 hours wearing a dust mask and yellow rubber gloves (not sexy, believe me) because i wanted everything to be perfect when Master arrived. and i taught an extra class at night time.
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(Master never comments on when i clean the house. blah!)
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i served Master when He arrived, then i read till late. He had to take me to the bathroom cuz i was too scared to go alone.
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worked this morning, then read some more, and ate in bed. Slept, went to the doctor, heard the doctor tell me i'll have to get surgery (whatever), came home.
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time for a shower and coffee, then i go to work.
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i have no idea of what to do for tomorrow. too little time for arts'n'crafts, too little money to go to the mall buy Him a game or something. all i have are 20 bucks from the money He gave me on monday. and that's it.
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stupid!
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oh well, things will work themselves out. i have to go to work.
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*reality check*

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i spent a day in the real world today. under stress. improvising. and i am exhausted.
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first, i couldnt sleep. then i prepped class and fell asleep at almost 4 am.
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7 am - class, till 8:30. gym from 9 to 10:30. then a shower and a bit of rest.
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at noon i got a phone call... extra class, at 2 pm. fine, i did some tidying up and had A LOT OF coffee.
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class from 2 to 3:30, then picked up a medical exam, and went to buy hair dye and a few things i needed urgently for sewing projects. that was a 20 min walk (40min total).
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my feet are cut.
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my lunch? whole wheat cocoa and ginger cookies with icy lemon flavored green tea.
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while i prepped class. then i taught, non-stop, from 6 t 10:30 pm. no piss breaks.
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at this school, we have to stand up during the entire class. my legs hurt. yeah, i get to wear all the jewels, no questions asked. but i find some things strange.
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next week i get my first pay check. unfortunatelly, not in time for Master's birthday.
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i'm too tired to think right now... so i better hit the sheets because i have class at 7 am tomorrow.
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my conclusion: the real world is boring, so no thanks.
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(and thanks to Stephen King now i am afraid to take a decent piss. i'm re-reading "IT". and i keep thinking a hand is gonna come out of the toilet and rip my labia ladder off while i am on the john. ah, that adds to the terror i got from "Dream Catcher", where a pornographically shaped alien rips through peoples bodies from one hole to another... and not to mention arachnophobia, i always look under the seat for spiders.)
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(i want new photos... but i don't have the time or inspiration)

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i really should keep off trash lit. it's bad for my mental health.
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*le freak c'est chic? nah!*

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i'm drugged. yeah.
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8 ounces of dripped strong coffee contain 170 miligrams of caffeine. my calculator tells me that i have had exactly 524,22 mg of caffeine up to now.
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250 mg alter the heart rate. so instead of feeling great and perky i feel ahn... strange. (not to mention the stomach ache)
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blah!
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i would rather just read right now.
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but chaos and confusion surround me (the apartment always looks like a WWIII scenario on mondays)
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and i have enough chaos and confusion inside me.
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why does the perspective of my boss watching my class this evening scare me? i'm not a bad teacher. argh!
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fucking self-esteem.
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(so much for falling asleep at almost 4 and getting up at 6:30)
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i miss my Master.
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my hair begs for something... anything. specially rethouching these boring pastel dirty blond roots that are peeking from a good 1,5 cm...
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(sometimes, all i need is to hear that it will all be ok and that You will love me forever. even if it is a lie).
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*where did that darn mr. sandman go?!!!*

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its almost 3 am and i must get some sleep... i even prepped my classes for tomorrow hoping it would knock me out, but nope.
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because starting tomorrow, i work mornings mondays, tuesdays, wednesdays, thursdays and saturdays. and god, do i hate mornings!
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plus Master is off for a two day business trip, so time alone = busy busy busy trying to make the most out of some ME time.
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the past few days were drama, drama, drama, but i up on that later!!!
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i need to catch my zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's!
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*???*

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lingering:

1 - is it ok to be cute over 30, or is 30 up necessarily a sexy age (i'll never be sexy) ?

2 - wtf am i gonna do for my Master's birthday next thursday? not even considering my current emotions and state of mind, my account is negative, i have no credit card and no ideas. suggestions?

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i was wrong about one thing. my body is not going to start to hurt tomorrow. it already hurts.
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and now back to "it", for more trash lit.
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i miss closing my eyes and having the music take me to a better place...
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