*4 days...*

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... till Sunday. Till 26. i have no plans, haven't shopped for new clothes, haven't scheduled a manicure or a hair cut... no expectations, no excitement. Nothing. Guess i'm not feeling very festive. Or sad. Or anything at all.
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It's that type of minor sadness, that doesn't hurt. It doesn't let anything hurt. It just won't let you feel. The type of minor sadness that makes food tasteless, life monochrome and mute. I'm not sad.
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But i'm not alive either.
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26. Maybe i should get myself a better anti-age cream instead of (hopefully) spending money on a new tattoo.
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Should i face that i am no longer a girl? But i don't feel like a woman should. Not as i thought it was, at least. Feeling like nothing is not a comfortable position.
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And it rains... Endlessly... Enough to dampen one's spirit and turn the world into a gray blurry mess.
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4 more days to start feeling alive.
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He doesn't understand why i want a pet so badly. A puppy, a kitten, a rabbit, even a hamster. But it is that i only feel this way... this sadness... when i am alone. Around others i am always cheerful and talkative and fun... like a pet. But i am bad company to myself.
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Even though music may keep me company, i feel very very lonely sometimes.
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well, enough wining. One more "cuia" of "yerba mate", and then i am off to dance class.
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Don't you love engrish? i mean, who eats chocolate filled cookies named "collon"?



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mood: chinched
craving: beet soup
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must everything be average nowadays?
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sorry. The rain and the cold have put me into hibernation mode. Argh.
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mood: lazy and cold
now playing: bette midler
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*ennui. Also spelled photoshop.*

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Ennui: Listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from lack of interest; boredom.

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Ennui also spells photoshop.







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Friday is the day i consider my day off. The most i usually have is a meeting, and the Mister works, so its kind of my day.
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So i woke up at midday. All sore from tap dancing in heels. And masturbated. Porn is lame and boring, and hell, masturbation sucks. i get off in two seconds and then what? i'm supposed to feel satisfied, right? Well, i don't.
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Sex is definitely overrated. Specially masturbation. Ok, so what about food? Yeah, i had lost my appetite, right? Well, good (?) news... i'm back to binge-eating. So i threw my pink battery-operated lil' friend to the side and popped in a whole packet of cookies instead. Ahem, wrong cavity dudes... Goddamn you pervs.
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In also went a packet of Toppo (like Pocky but manlier) and i'm about to gobble down a big bowl of Chinese instant noodles. And i have no idea what flavor it is because it has no romanji on it. Then i'll probably spend the rest of the day poking my love bumps and feeling bad about it. At least i haven't gone back to laxatives. That part of overeating is nasty.
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Well, it's my day off. But the place is chaotic and i had vowed to get things into place today. Ahem. Liar.
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This weekend is the Chinese New Year celebration. Year of the Earth Rat. The year of the Metal Pig was good, hope this one goes well too. I should have made up a Fruits Basket cosplay in celebration, but i have a Bulma one i'm dying to wear.
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Oh, yeah... Anime event this weekend too. i really want to go!!! As Bulma obviously. The Man really wanted me to make Him a cosplay this time, but on a one weeks notice amidst all this mess and having a total of 0 experience sewing masculine clothes, that spelled impossible. i would need at least a month for such a project.
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Hope to hit this expo soon.
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So, i guess i'm waiting for my b-day to break me out of this cycle. The Sunday after this one. February 3rd. i really should get myself a new tattoo... Something special. Dunno.
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i also wanted to party. Lots of candy and drinks. But i don't know about that either.
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There has to be a good side to this. I mean, if you expect nothing, anything goes, right?
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Wrong.
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Guess that on one's b-day its ok to be an attention hog. So if anyone wants to make my day just let me know. No wish lists crap, most stuff doesn't deliver to Brazil anyway. (i wish my SG stuff would arrive soon too).
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time:



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Maybe i'll face the world after this bowl of noodles. Or maybe i'll go get drunk. Or both. Yes, definitely a hot shower, Betty Hutton and a cherry martini will do.

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Mood: ennui.
Now playing: nothing. Guess that is the problem.


"And when I get a certain feelin' I confess it. There's really only one expression to express it. I want some huggin' and some squeezin' and some muggin' and some teasin' and some leapin' and some chasin' and some weepin' and some pacin' and some stuff, I want some stuff like that there."

Betty Hutton - Some stuff like that there


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P.s.: Seems i'll have a party after all. Next fetish ball on Feb. 2nd. Which means a hungover b-day and possibly afterhour parties. Hope that turns out a private party for two and a hot tub. Yay!
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edit:
boo for: playing with Dragon and Tiger Balm on/near one's genitals. i mean, alone. Why won't He come home soon. Ouch...


yay for: coffee with cream and frangelico, vodka with white vermouth and strawberry Popsicles.

Café Frangelico

Ingredientes :

• café molido
• azúcar
• agua
• cremora o crema
• Frangelico
• crema chantilly
• canela en polvo

Preparación :

• Preparar café negro.
• Añadir una cucharada de Frangelico, una cucharadita de cremora o crema, después de unir los ingredientes añadir azúcar al gusto.
• Poner por encima crema chantilly con canela en polvo.
• Se puede servir frío o caliente.

As for the other aforementioned drink... two doses of citrus vodka, two doses of white vermouth, and one strawberry Popsicle. Shake and pour into tall glass (preferably Hello Kitty glass). Stick in straw and take into long hot bath with cute music on and chocolate incense. Yay!
*

*life or something like it*

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the past few days had good and bad moments. i believe that's called life. Or at least something like it.
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i had a girls day out on Friday and bought cute things. He took me out for dinner.
He gave me an early b-day gift on Saturday. i love my new toy.
the best part is being able to read anywhere anytime.
my Saturday afternoon students haven't been going to class. So i was bored to death.
We went out with friends on Saturday night. Was fun.
Its good to have a friend again. Even if i'm not so good at keeping friends. My social network skills suck in the real world.

Sunday morning was not nice. i'm starting to fear and hate Sunday mornings.
Sunday was a lazy day after that. A lot of food. And silly pictures.

Feeling fat? i wonder why...
Say hello to Tommy.
AIL. alcohol induced laugh.
Just to make sure the alcohol gets to the brain.

i worked hard on Monday. Worked out, cleaned. And then went to work. At night He came and made a mess going through the mess room, so i let go. i have to go through my fabrics anyway.
Yesterday... dunno. Started going through my sewing supplies, then work and some shopping. i have new tap shoes now. 8 cm heels and taps on patent leather. What's not to love? My jazz teacher is trying to kill us, and my body aches. MacDonalds and funny faces for dinner. Losing a piercing, having Him put the captive ring in. Midnight sex.
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That has been it. i got up real late today. i really want to work out more and put things into place but the past week has been only gray and chilly, and i need sunshine and heat. Really. And i'm afraid my left nipple is rejecting the ring again. The pain is unbearable.
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Gotta do my homework and go to class. Then work. i want to cook tonight. i really do. But He hasn't been much in the mood for home cooking. Damn, excuses.
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26 is almost here. Scary.
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Mood: numbed
Now playing: Bowling for Soup.
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*could i have the check, please?*

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So that i can pay and get the hell out of this rut i have fallen into this year?!
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Yeah, i know. Astrological hell and all that shit. Its supposed to get better by next month when i have my (gasps) ... birthday. Ok, ok. 26th birthday. But who wants to wait two more weeks for their life to get back on tracks? Not me, definitely.
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What do i mean? i mean, my body is giving out on me. i'm sick in most of the body parts that can be the most painful. Argh, no no names. Plus i got this awful voice that makes me think of an 11 year old boy going through puberty. i urgently need a detox diet. And some cleansing of the blood.
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Not to mention that some assholes probably thought it was fun to through a lump of wet cement from god knows what floor of some building under construction right into my cleavage. i could swear a pterodactyl had shit on me. Assholes.
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Well, my jazz and tap dance teacher certainly finished the job. Today is one of those days that just won't happen without a pain killer.
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Which goes well with the pain in my shoulders from sleeping with my hands binded behind my back. Guess pain must be the latest fashion for summer.
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Isn't life a beauty?
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i'm going shopping with a friend this afternoon. i really don't know how much $ i have right now, but quite frankly, today, i don't care.
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i bought the loveliest dress yesterday for an incredible bargain. Maybe i'll let ya'll see it sometime soon.
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i really want my muse back.
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i need to buy more fake plastic pearls (not mad anymore, just sad about it still, really). And other cute trinkets.
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So hooray for being stupidly romantic. Otherwise it would be impossible to see so much beauty in the world when there is all this pain.
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mood: sick and painful.
sign: have you seen my appetite anywhere?
now playing: matanza. Its all i've been listening to these days.

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