all i wanted was to go to dance class... but then its raining so hard its half flooded outside. i tried going anyway. the drift almost knocked me on my ass. i could have drowned. And i got really wet and may get sick.
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there is an incredible recipe i want to try. With a beautifully poetic name. And another i feel the urge to invent. But i feel afraid of food. And fat. Where did these pimples come from anyways?
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tomorrow is my day off. There are things i would like to do but i feel anti-social and ugly. And things i should buy but i can feel my Scrooge nagging inside. Yeah, my super-ego is a freaking über bitter ultra gay scrooge like bitch. The only thing i know for sure is that no matter how much my limbs hurt, i WILL work out first thing in the morning. And i better get that corset on now.
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i spent the week doing house work. Now i feel frustrated and bitter, because it is never acknowledged and i don't feel as if my time was really used for something because there is nothing to show for it but a orderly house, a tidy pantry and an empty laundry basket. No new projects, no epiphanies, not even some special cooking because i never stop to eat when i am cleaning. Its not living, its existing.
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i got a call for a performance. The money isn't so good but it isn't so bad. It could even be something steady. But its not the type of thing i do so i had to say no. More frustration and bitterness.
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note to self: stop practicing ballet positions while brushing teeth and tap dancing while in the shower. Yesterday it was your toe, tomorrow it may be the hip bone.
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The high point of my week was taking milk to work today so i could drink coffee. And making Him a pair of briefs that didn't fit.
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i feel so annoyed and bitter right now i would die intoxicated if i bit my tongue. i need something real to look forward to. Something i can touch. Something rewarding.
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the lunar eclipse is over. May i have my life back please?
*(smile and act nice). Ahem. At least i get to attend a stage make-up workshop Sunday morning.
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i'll have a glass of wine and go hide in my sleep. i have read enough food blogs for a day. But let me refresh a bit more first.
*
*
le sigh... i want this so bad it hurts. But no one seems to want to pay me (enough) to take my clothes off, so no new corsets for me. le sigh.
.yeah... where was i? oh yes, bed.
*
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