Saturday, April 26, 2008

*oh no, you wouldn't!*

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Well, i already have!
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Quite some time has passed, so i decided for a video blog. Enjoy!

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And obviously, a "few" photos of the weeks past.

Foot
Books
Work
Sta. Ifigenia
Foolishness

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Now, to bake something. Or bowling. What ever comes first.
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Mood: Hypo maniac
Now playing: Skanatra
.76 days.
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Wednesday, April 23, 2008

a brief lamentation of sorts

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page 257 of 776.

And i just can't stop binging.

My acupuncture doctor told me i gained weight this morning. i have been binging ever since she started stimulating the point that is related to anxiety. Binging and sleeping. i would exercise, but i don't want to inflict further damage to my tendons.
Help! My curves are getting out of control!!!
i'm depressed. i'm diving back into Narnia.
Maybe the dishes will do themselves.

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Wednesday, April 16, 2008

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a perfectly good reason to sit quietly in a corner for a week or two.
life is sweet
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Monday, April 14, 2008

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i told ya i was up to something...


life is good. If only i knew what to wear...
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Thursday, April 10, 2008

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Just got home from the hospital, but i think i'm doing fine. Thanks to my co-workers and friends, of course. Specially thanks to Carol for helping me walk and for sitting by me for over 4 hours.
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Not a big deal, really. Why do people have to make such a big circus out of a fainting spell? Just because i was in the middle of a class? The part that really sucked was banging my tail bone on the hard marble floor... It is so sore... It should be, and it probably will hurt even more after the meds wear off.
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Just one more pain. In the ass. Ha ha! So not a big deal.
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Plus i got to be carried in a stretcher and ride an ambulance. They made me rest, take x-rays to check my bones (which are ok) and medicated me.
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Now, the pathetic part was that just as we were leaving the hospital i almost fainted again, and threw up. Kind of embarrassing in the hospital corridor, but it was only water anyways. Blah.
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Kudos for Carol for getting me a chair before i fell and for Sergio for picking us up. And even more for Carol because she got me my meds at the pharmacy because again, my knees turned into jelly. She even tucked me into bed.
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Tomorrow will be a busy day. And i still have some playing with my hair to do. So i better get some sleep.
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All in all, from inside the comfy cotton candy cloud my head is in, i'm ok. Low blood pressure sucks, but it cant be helped. i have to learn that i need more than a couple bowls of fruit to keep on going.
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Night night kids. Sleep tight. I know i will.
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P.s.: And my nipple piercings are sooo visible in the x-ray. As soon as i can pick it up, i'll post a photo here.
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Can you smell mischief? I can!


:D

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

*Chatanooga Choo Choo*

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It's been playing in my head for over a week. So it was about time i learned the lyrics to at least sing it correctly.

I love it!
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I also love the fact its a holiday in the suburb I live in, so today is no work and all play.
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I get to eat at my favorite Japanese place (Obaachan homecooking style) and visit my friend! I haven't seen her since the day my set was shot - at her place. She has an amazing collection of antiques, and the hottest decor ever. She rocks, her art rocks, and her cats rock too!!! Yay!
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On life and everything else, things are pretty the same. It was a lazy Sunday with a walk in the mall, a lot of pizza and two new lovely pairs of shoes that He gave me, a couple movies, and a lot of work yesterday. I walked a bit on the treadmill, but nothing to extreme. And i fell in love! ... With Harussame (glass noodles). Oh, its good with misso (fermented soy paste), so good.
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i want to dye my hair and bake cupcakes, but i will have plenty of time the next days... The Mister will start traveling on project again, just a couple days a week, which is both ok and bad. Bad because it means i sleep alone. I hate sleeping alone. Ok because now that i have friends i actually have people to hang out with, so i don't have to feel so lonely.
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It's good to have friends.
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And an unphotoshopped photo, because my photoshop apparently died on me and my GIMP skills suck ass.
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Now to take a shower, and then a Choo choo to the civilized world.
Here is that 1st Conditional i was talking about:
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Mood: Jumpy
Now playing: Glenn Miller and Betty Hutton
2 more months for my MRI, and my next tattoo...
94 days to feel ok... 94 days so that i can dance again.

Sorry honey bunny, but I've got happy feet and that just can't be helped.
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Sunday, April 6, 2008

*A Ghost story to pass the time*

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Four am and i'm alone. It was probably the cold that awoke me.
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It's starting to get cold down here. I like autumn. i just don't enjoy being alone during it.
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But its ok. I probably fell asleep around 7 pm because i hadn't slept Friday to Saturday due to finally cleaning the house. That was over 10 hours of work, probably, considering the preexistent mess. Things are clean now. Also... I've been bleeding for 13 days now... Not very much, but enough to make me feel weak, and the flow has started to increase. 13 days of cramps plus a cold sore that looks like shit and hurts like hell. At least the warm laptop on my tummy eases the pain.
And we missed Luxuria. Bummer.
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Yesterday I went to work at 7:45 am, got a manicure and had my bangs trimmed, than ate like a construction worker.
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I'm no longer sleepy, but i'm only getting up after the sun rises.
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4-6 am is probably the creepiest time of the day. The air is just so full of this strange energy. Its the time i feel the most "things". i hate feeling that i am not alone when i should be. It creeps me out. Thank goodness for the comforting company of SGland. Wanna "hear" a story?

Some people believe in things. Others don't. Usually those who don't are the ones who feel nothing. It is not my case.

My grandmother was a medium. More specifically, she was a recipient for a spirit called "Treze Ventania" in Brazilian mythology, more specifically, Quimbanda. She died of cancer in an sanatorium when my mother was 16.

As a teenager, I was startled. A lot. Maybe it was because I read a lot of Carlos Castaneda. But I also enjoyed going to terreiros for the music and free booze. These African-descendant spirits sure drink a lot. Obviously, sometime I would be followed home. Maybe spirits are just like stray puppies, dying to be taken with someone.


This was not a hitchhiker. It was more like a spiritual stalker. There were hands on my shoulders, a breath down my neck and the steps following mine when I chose the lonely side streets.Not to mention the dark blurry energy emanating itself from under my bed. It sounded like screams covered by static and it felt like a heart attack. It scared the shit out of me.

There were also the good guys. An old masculine presence in the bathroom, calming and soothing like someone else's grandfather. The couple that visited me once. She was a sweet gal and felt immensely sad.

Then there were the vampires. I clearly remember a visit to my personal demon in search of clarity and help. He laughed at me. I woke up bruised that morning.

My best friend was a Wiccan. She offered to help me. Our group of friends used to gather in an old cemetery to drink wine, smoke weed, play guitar and make out. It felt ok because it was a City Founders Cemetery, so no one had been buried there in over 100 years.Then one day I got really drunk and served as a vessel to an Exu. I don't remember that night.


What i do remember is the day when i couldn't find my friends. They were not at the square where we hung out and they skate boarded. They were not at the mall. So i figured they must be at the cemetery. It was a 15 minute walk so i headed out there, alone. It was just starting to get dark when i arrived, and after sneaking in, i walked up the steep hill to our favorite grave. The wind blew and the sky was an amazing palette of oranges and violets. It was a cold wind that made the leafs (was it autumn?) dance around my legs. The air was Cristal clear and as shiny and piercing as the sound of Cristal prisms clicking, one against the other, was the sound of children's laughter. Small children, dancing around me, around my feet, playing with the leafs. And then the laugh... a load womans laugh, clearly insane, clearly with me. The laugh of a Pomba-gira. A laugh that made run all the way back to the mall without looking behind, only to find my friends there.

The last time i went back to that Cemetery was with my best friend. There was earth and fire, and an angel was watching us. Then she shut my Ajna Chackra.

Our body is a precise mechanism. Energy must flow it and out. Mine was trapped. At least that was what the new guy, Pablo, told me. He showed up one day at the mall with Ivo, and played Vampire with us. We were both Tremere, so we had talked a lot. Among the things he told me, was that my kundalini flow had inverted itself. Ajna is the home of duality, and is represented by Ardhanarishvara, a hermaphrodite form of Shiva-Shakti. Yeah, i'm probably the first person to blame my bisexuality on an energy imbalance. Speak of Russian Reversal!

He also told me that he couldn't reopen my third eye, but he could create an outlet for the energy. Which he did. He opened the spot on the back of my neck. "Crrrrrraaaaaccckkkk" went my joints. "Pop!", went vishuddha.

Imagine that you are blind and deaf. You still know when someone is there, right?

Bu!
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My bra straps are cutting into my shoulders (i slept in my clothes) but its too cold to take my sweater off.
So i leave you with photos from a couple Saturdays ago...


There are more, but they need editing so i'm off to learn GIMP.
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The sun should be out soon... Damn it! I need to pee!

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Moin-moin.
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Thursday, April 3, 2008

*We are all made of star dust. Its called CHON.*

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Survival of the most fit? Then I'm as good as dead, honey bear.
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It hasn't been a good day so far. The weather changed, and along with the cold and the rain comes the pain. But I've managed to get through with as much as an Aspirin.
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i should find something to do away from the house during the day. There are two construction sights, each one block away from my building. They might as well set those foundations in my head.
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What made you warm inside today?

These made me smile:
. Glenn Miller
. Shitake mushrooms and grilled tofu with rice noodles
. His smell.
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Got to teach my teens something useful soon. Yeah right.
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Then i have to hunt for jeans.
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Tonight. I'm gonna do something about the mess tonight. Cross my heart.
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99 days. Today i'll work on my plan for taking over the world. Its called Gelatin.
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I'm in dire need of conditionals.
Specially the 1st one.
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Tuesday, April 1, 2008

*100 days - Or the good, the bad, the awesome and the creepy. *

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Good days are when the bad news and the good news even out. Awesome days is when you turn on the computer and find only good things. Yesterday, in example.
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Good news: i went to the Orthopedist yesterday and its (as far as he knows) not fybromyalgia. Its the result of bad eating and sleeping habits with an exercise overload. It is not tendinitis, but it is the result of overloading one's tendons without proper collagen replacement. So it's not for life. But i must take care of this now.now or there may be sequelae.
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Bad news: Tendon lesions of this nature take between 50 - 100 days to heal completely. That's over 3 months. Which means i may resume dance lessons... in late July, maybe August! Argh! Dancing is what makes my heart sing and all my troubles disappear. It makes me infinitely sad not being able to prance around. But at least
this was not as serious as it could have been (although we will only know for sure the extension of the damage around June, when i will be able to do the MRI). I will be counting the days, believe me.
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Good news: Not having dance classes does not mean being inactive. Great, as i have already put on a few pounds in these past couple weeks. It's ok for me to do some light stretching, walk on the treadmill, use the bicycle and swim. Too bad i can't swim, as in i can't drive. As in i don't know how to and i'll probably kill myself if i try to alone. Oh, and also its ok to continue tight-lacing. Its actually good for me, says my Orthopedist.
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Cold turkey: No more muscle relaxers after Sunday's scare. I mean, i know it was REALLY DUMB of me to mix Depakote and muscle relaxers, but wtf, i do dumb things all the time. No more muscle relaxers. Really, the last thing i need is arrhythmia.
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The Awesome: Turning on my computer when i came home a bit bummed from the doctor, i learned i had won the prize in the Creative Contest for March on Suicide Girls for the sexiest instructional video, for my video on how to tight lace a corset! Really, i recorded it way before anyone said anything about the contest, and hell... i just love tight-lacing and love being in my undies and now, i love recording silly videos.

Wanna know what i'm spending the prize money on? Definitely, a new corset.
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The Creepy: not gonna say much about it. I'm not wasting my time with it either. No if's for me this time.
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And that was yesterday for me.
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Monday was spent in an attempt to organize my show-reel and photos of my past performances. I was stocked at seeing how much material i have. Wow... now just to get better to put all of that to good use.
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And today was spent... sleeping, for good measure.
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Not really. i went to the acupuncturist, and strange things always happen after i leave her office. To me, i mean. Strange things are bound to happen when you just let someone stick a needle in your forehead. This time, i was soooo sleepy all i could do when i got home was to take off my uncomfortable bra (shoulder straps hurt), close the shutters and curl into fetal position. 5 hours later, i wake up feeling great.
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There is still some pain in the legs and the shoulders, but i feel peaceful. Maybe it's that calm there is before a storm. All i know, is that now, i feel strangely calm.
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Now i go to work. Till 10:30 pm.
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Photos from a make-up workshop i attended about a month ago, just because they kind of reflect my mood:




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mood: calm
now playing: baby fratelli - the fratellis
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100 days...
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