Saturday, June 16, 2012

*3 out of 5*

After watching 2 whole seasons of Dream High it was my turn to step on an important stage yesterday. I'm not sure if getting 3 no's out of 5 judges on one of those variety game shows is a failure. But I'm repinning motivationals of failure like a mad woman right now. While I do my duties as the head of my group, of course.
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I know all that crap about failure is being afraid to try. I was nervous as fuck, and there were a bunch of issues. But I did the best I could in the shoes I was wearing, despite the music being super short, despite the skirt being too long, despite the stage. I knew there would be at least a no. But 3? Meh.
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After I danced on a tv show I had never even watched, I was humming Love High in the dressing room, putting my stuff away, remembering all the scenes in Dram High when the characters fail in auditions. And then an intern walked in and gave me soom advice, which is what has me thinking till now: "Getting a no is a great opportunity to reflect on what you're doing. Treasure it and use it".
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I'm still like... wha...?
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I'm afraid that, as a slow and dislexic learner, I may not internalize or grasp whatever lesson I could learn from yesterday. Yeah, dance in steady shoes. Sure, wear a costume that you're used to. Never forget your flask so that you can have a sip to relax before going on stage. All crutches.
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I wonder what else I can get out of the experience besides heartache. I'll see if at least I can get some better paying gigs after it airs, in about 20 days. :(
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I'll go from Love High to listening to this on repeat. I'm ok. Just a bit sad. But still ok.
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Gotta keep on moving. I did what I could. I came home and stuffed my face and fell asleep early. Woke up before dawn, showered, took the gunk off my face, and am doing what I have to. Sure, the mess around me is overwhelming. To the point I can't deal with it. But I made promises, and I always go above and beyond to keep those.
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So another moment to breath, and I'll clear some space to sew.
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