*falling apart into place*

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just a bit off...
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tonight is performance night... and tomorow i work from 8 am to 1 pm. non-stop, basically.
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i'm screwed.
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but i DESPERATELY NEED to have fun.
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i do.
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i feel so numbed out i can't possibly live inside myself.
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i finished the book at the gym. which means i worked out for an extra 70 minutes untill i finished the last page. which means i will be quite sore tomorrow.
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fuck it! i love not having to be myself for a few hours.
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will i do it again? all over? i don't want to but i want to.

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i feel like a collector's toy these days. lonely, up on a shelf. once in a while He comes along and plays a bit with me so i wont break down or get rusty, but then i go back to that shelf. and it's lonely.
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everything has had a bit of a grey tone to it these days. i just go by them.
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well...
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time to prep class.
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yeah, i'm screwed.
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and i miss my friends. i miss so much...
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i miss being myself. i havent' been around much these days. and it makes me feel bad.
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oh please, please, can't i come out and play?
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...
"We saw the world and the world seemed smaller
We're getting wider but not getting no taller
I know we’ve grown up just a little lot of time
We're sleeping late but were not lazy
Were getting older but were still crazy
I’m so glad that I have these friends o mine"
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been here, done this all already. i just want it to be different this time.
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(i definitly miss being pampered... maybe i'm just not the "Girl all the bad guys want" anymore)
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