Wednesday, October 10, 2007

*code orange + photos, photos, photos!!!*

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PMS approaching.
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blond. again. How can someone take 3 hours to dye 2 cm long roots? That's what i get for experimenting with a new dye. Sore arms and a slighlty different tone at the base. How hard can it be to be a platinum?!!!
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i'm still hurting. And i know it will never be the way i wish it was.
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so do i insist over myself or over Him?
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so far so good?
...
its 11:30 am.
.
So far i've:
- worked out
- went to the farmers market buy groceries
- cleaned the fridge and put the groceries away
- am having breakfast.
.
i must, before 1:30 pm:
- rehearse "Fever" and "I wanna be Bad"
- take a shower and moisturize my destroyed hair again
- have a healthy lunch
- shower and change
- get my material together
...
then i have manicure scheduled and lingerie class...
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At least i won't have to teach tonight. So i have some extra time for rehearsing and a long shower n' shave.
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In a way, its kind of as my weekend had already started. i don't teach on thursdays anymore, so all i have to do tomorrow is go to Paulista pick up my corset, pay someone a long promised visit, then dance classes.
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And friday is a catholic Holy Day in Brazil. Ah the adorably hipocracy of catholics. And childrens day, so i figure i should get myself a treat.
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i wish to enjoy saturday if i'm not too much of a bitch. After all, i had reschedule the gig from last sunday to this one due to the "crisis" last weekend.
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Maybe i will have to skip lunch after all. Bummer.
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And monday we don't work because it's teachers day. Ahhh...
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(But we also don't get paid for it, the schmucks)
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Other than that... i'm looking foward to the end of the month. i've never been to Fortaleza, and i'm gonna dance there on the 27th. The 26th is the Regional Encounter for the school i teach at, so it will be a busy weekend. And of course, halloween. Guess i'll buy a nice big orange pumpkin next time we go to the market and try my hand at a pumpkin pie or something.
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Honestly, i don't know about anything else. i'm taking it day by day because otherwise i'll fall apart. And i'd rather forget the painful things He said.
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Why is it that when everything is falling apart the significant other always plays the "you are too superficial" card? Either being sweet and cute is a good thing or a bad thing. i HATE how people play it both ways. i am me, and i wish they would love me for who i am because i sure do.
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And i guess He thinks its all ok now. i wish it was, and i'm doing my best for it to be. But it's not so far. No, i won't cry anymore. i'll work out and work and dance and (try to) be strong.
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i wish He would talk to me about where we stand. i'm lost here.
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Loneliness is scary. Being alone in a relationship is even scarier.
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more photos from the gig in Bal. Camboriú, unedited:






























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Other things and all that jazz...

Which means... music!

"I've probably made mistakes that I've forgotten
It's all ambiguous now
I'd be willing to take the shape of what you wanted I could just figure it out Ooow I'm breaking my own rules
Becoming somone else
Well everybody says I oughtta get over myself

I'm thinking I can't move

If there isn't somewhere else
To go"

(can't lose - we are scientists)

...
"Drink up sweet decadence.
I can't say no to you,
And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely.

Now I can't let go of this dream.
Can't believe that I feel...
Good enough,
I feel good enough.
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good.
And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.

Pour real life down on me.

'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.
Am I good enough for you to love me too?
So take care what you ask of me,
'cause I can't say no."

(Good Enough - Evanescense)
...

"She can't help it, the girl can't help it,
If she got a lot, of what they call the most,

She can't help it, the girl can't help it,

The girl can't help it, she was born to please,

She can't help it, the girl can't help it,

And if she's got, a figure made to squeeze,

She can't help it, the girl can't help it,

Won't you kindly be aware, the girl can't help it,

The girl can't help it ..."

(the girl cant help it - Little Richard)
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mood: gloomy
now playing: http://www.lastfm.pt/user/sweetieBird/
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enjoy the sunshine darling, because i see clouds gathering in the horizon.
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