Thursday, December 13, 2007


i'm not really that tired, although it was a hectic day (finally catching up on chores and all). But i'm emotionally exhausted, and its something that had been welling inside me for a while. And now that dam is giving way to the ocean within.
i'll spare you the details. What follows is cheesy enough per se.
Were all those tears really for Him?
Oh fuck it! It's my blog, i'm PMS'ing and i'll do whatever i want.

A 16 year old me stared back from the mirror as i entered the bathroom and made me an invitation i couldn't resist. I'll extend that invitation to you: "Let me take you for a tour down memory lane..." (and this is only what is on this computer, because going through those cd's would take days).

cute will always be a part of me.
i have gone a long way from the plain church girl i used to be.
my first rejected set. It hurt, a lot. Rejection always does.
i have always had chubby arms. But my figure was definitely fuller here.
A little more glamourous. But still learning to curl my hair (haven't perfected that yet).
An addictive pain.
Sunshine. Oh how i love it.
Interviewing the band before a show.
Music is a big thing.

Thanks to this doll i first heard of SG. When she asked me if i was one. And i answered "what is that?"
i'll take an small venue and an independent band any day.

i thought i knew what goth was when i was 16. i had just shaved my hair. But i listened to Raul Seixas. Teenagers are strange.
Never got over my love for plastic platform shoes. Only now they are off-limits.
19 years. When i fell in love with the 20's.
i have this thing for the sky.
i miss writing. Even though i never got any money out of it, it was good.

Back then i was never afraid to walk home alone at night. Small town...
13. And all that jazz. I'm the blond in the front.
15. The first contribution from the internet to my life was happy hardcore. And the associated style. It was a lonely choice.

My babies. i miss them everyday.
Right before i changed my life.

She made college fun.

i miss my first apartment. Hell, i miss having a place just for myself. Even if it were just a desk, but a sanctuary of my own. I'm an individualist, after all.
They used to greet me on my way to work.

Notice how tanned the equatorial climate made me.

52 kg. But i looked sick.
One of the best raves ever. 66 kg, but i didn't care.
Looking fashionable for the camera. Color is a must in a tropical climate!

Back then i wanted to be a nude model when i grew up.

Let me take you thru the looking glass, my darling.
There are just so many persona's in here. And i just keep adding information and characteristics. All that changes are the shapes and the scars time inflicts onto our skin. Am i a RPG character that will never be completed?
I remember a time when i had never heard the word "pin-up". Sure, i loved miss Day by then, and i even designed something that now i would recognize as such... i just had never labeled it. And i thought i knew so much, when i couldn't even spell... And there are universes still for me to discover.
i wish i didn't have to do this on my own. This rat maze pattern of learning and discovery of mine is due to not having a guide. Once a loner, always a loner? Where is my muse?
Who am i? Part Honda Tohru, part Pollyanna? Part Marilyn Monroe, part Martha Stewart? Part sweet good christian who turns the other cheek, part riot grrrl who won't take crap from no one? Part happy hardcore loving candy raver, part punk rocker? Part Japanese girl, part latina? Part Part italian mamma, part cosmo girl? Half Mahoromatic, half Chi? Part Mary Poppins, part
Maria? A hopeless romantic? An idealist? Dom Quixote? A fool? All i know is i am nothing in between. Life was never easy on me (and i sure didn't help it), but i still managed to keep sweet. i don't want to be jaded. Ever. The world is an amazing place, and i'm glad to be a part of it.
Even when it hurts. i feel so old, and so small at the same time. Have i lived past my day? I am thankful for the experiences i have had.
I should sleep. Tomorrow too will be another incredible life-filled day. And i don't want to miss any of it.
And you? What stories do you have to tell?
i'll use the long ride to my mothers house to write not just simple new year resolutions... But a to-do list to a fuller life.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are one really interesting person... really. :)