Tuesday, November 27, 2007

*i'll type for miles*

*
My words are all i have. But He won't listen. He won't be "bothered". He most definitly doesn't care about what i write. Even when i write it for Him.
...
So at night when He pushes me away and tells me to leave Him alone it breaks my heart a little more.
...
And there is very little heart left right now.
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It's so sad that He won't even notice what He is doing... How i wish He knew what it feels like to be denied a kiss. A word. A moment. And to be ignored.
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i am just too insecure. And jealous. Of Him, and His time, and my things.
.
i have been an older sister all my life. And i am tired of sharing. i grew up to have my things, i started working to buy my own toys (how grown-up)... And i am constantly afraid He will take things i cherish away from me. It's an awful feeling.
.
When i was a child my parents couldn't afford much, so i rarely got what i wanted. I always had to wait, or earn the things i wished for myself. So how is it fair that He should take the things i love (and worked for) away from me to give to a girl that gets all she wants when she wants it?
.
Yes, Its petty of me. But it hurts, nonetheless.
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I know He is tired from work. I have a life too. Which i pause, everytime that He is near.
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But He will rarely stop for me. I'm probably only around because i'm a reasonable fuck. And a decent cook/housekeeper.
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No matter what i do, it's barely enough. He won't acknowledge it.
.
So words don't count, do they?
...
i type because i never talk.
*
"they're playing love songs on the radio tonight
I can't relate to that right now
note to self : no one cares. your voice is average
in worried piles I typed for miles and you just stood there
I will begin
I will put right
this morning terror
I have been kissed
between the ears
by human error
leave me here to my devices
I need a word to change my life
...
leave me here to my devices
I can't think with all this noise
they're playing love songs on your radio tonight
I don't get those songs on mine"
(I typed for miles - Jets to Brazil)
*
i feel lonely.
*

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