Sunday, November 4, 2012

that nagging little voice in the back of my head...

me and my frigging trust issues. I never know when to believe the little voice in the back of my head. Which right now is saying that yes, I will get hurt and yes, it will be fun.

Just because at the same time Oppa is super sweet and fun, he also has a million things going on. I respect that. And he's young, Which is great, he works very hard and still has a lot of energy. But the damn cell phone. I guess I'll just stop leaving mine on silent and ignoring it when we're together.

This was one magical three day weekend. With plenty of drama (watching it, of course), candy, yummy Korean beef, ssam, soju, and sex. And I learned important things about Oppa. Like that it's hard to wake him up once he falls asleep. That he is crazy about my hips. And if he's relaxed/tired enough, he'll fall asleep during sex. Yeah, that happened. Twice. But I'm not judging. It's not like I've never done that. And besides that, the sex is pretty epic.

It all feels very bittersweet. Oppa is cute, fun, sings and looks like a hallyu idol and has the exact amount of dominance during sex that I enjoy. What? A girl can't like having her hair firmly held? But as it did come up, liking each other and such, that's just it. His life is complicated, my life is complicated. He did see me performing on Saturday (I need to work on that young thing's references) and I didn't really ask him how it made him feel. Or if we're exclusive. I'm trying to hold on to every cute sweet moment, but that does make things a bit bitter.

Damn you Korean dramas and the unrealistic romantic expectations you set. So the plan is to keep mine as low as possible, enjoy this as much as I can, work my schedules in a way that I can be free when he has free time (after all he works 12 hours a day and goes to college. My life is easier) and keep myself busy and interesting. Oh, and blow off for good the girl (I just don't know how, I feel like such a jerk) and most of my other flirts. Just too much work. Or maybe I shouldn't? Aigoo.

Its a bit strange to be hanging out with someone who is also in showbusiness. Gonna make the best of this. Maybe I should ask him to teach me to make my clothes disappear on stage... such a cute little magician!

Aish, back to Secret Garden. Tomorrow I return to my diet and excercise, firmly and trully. If I'm only gonna obsess about Asian men now I better look the part.

Weekend playlist, aka songs he's been singing and that are now stuck in my head:

Big Bang - Bad Boy

G-Dragon - Crayon

G-Dragon - That XX

Gain - Bloom

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