Friday, July 20, 2007

*can i borrow some... err... hmmm... life?*

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"well i'm starving for attention and i'm looking for perfection and my only opposition is my lack of motivation but i'm looking for an in but i'm pissin' in the wind and if i had a towel man i'm sure i'd throw it in i'm fishing for a valid excuse and when i think of one i will put it to good use am i a freight train or am i just the caboose too much time tied to the rails can i borrow some ambition?"
(guttermouth)
*
it's too cold to think. But i have things to do. Ok, in my book it's too cold. Its 10C now, and if one considers houses and apartments in Brazil don't have heating and most dont have hot water taps, its pretty fucked up. And i have to do laundry. And i'm only in my undies. So convince me to get out of bed.
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i didnt have tap dancing class yesterday so the Mister took me to see Transformers. i loved it, He hated it. Fine, i won't share my "bad" taste for movies with Him anymore.
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the dysthimia is getting the best of me. i get these migraines now, which i know are from holding tears in. How bad is it one the one person who matters does not even consider your Affective Disorder a problem?
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things get pretty bad at times. No wonder i don't even feel like sitting up. But it's performance night. And in my book (yeah, i have a big book about everything) work always comes first. Even over my health.
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considering how much pain i feel in my arm since wednesday... i went shopping at 25 de marco again... which means heavy trinket shopping. i bought fabric, feathers, bells, and lots of fake eyelashes. i love that place!
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but shopping doesnt make me feel better. And i really don't know when this sadness began.
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i just know i am sick of it and in a very bad place. Yes... a bad place. He didnt let me eat anymore last night... i hadnt eaten all day... i went to sleep hungry... and now i am considering not eating at all... whatever makes Him hurt... or myself.
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i wish i could sleep until summer. my libido is gone for more than 3 weeks now.
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Your bed is a deadly trap for ladies like me.
*

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