*just me*

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truth is, i need some time alone. PMS and all, medical exams, gigs, feeling guilty for the uncivilized behaviour of a certain person. My period is a couple days away and i feel really upset.

super upset.ok, maybe sad defines it better.

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self-centered anti-social selfish schmucks make me... argh!Not to mention the uncivilized. How hard is it to be polite and show some empathy? Why do some people have to be rude all the time?

*
and it is me that feels bad about it. i really shouldnt bother anymore, but my image is tainted in such events. And i always try so hard to be a sweetie... i even was stiching up the girls last night.

*
anyway... this week i got blonder. And now i am adding a little colour to my life. Some violet, to be exact.

.

this week i also started my lingerie course. i can't wait to get good at it!

...

last friday was ok. The cake. Despite the stress of it. And the horible thing He said. No, i'm not over it yet.

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last night the Audi party went well too... dancing in latex can sure be fun. And i enjoy impersonating the blond Muse sooooo much... oh Marilyn. i just hope not to lose myself in the process.

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i should start eating again. Yesterday i was extremely irresponsible, drawing blood in the morning and not eating till the early night. i guess its just a habit i need to acquire again.

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i finally got to spend some time and have a real conversation with the lovely Karina/Fascinatrix. We looked so good together... i should have taken my cam to the dressing room, silly me.

***
tomorrow is Luxuria. And because a certain person feels insecure about my sexuality (no, not me) i wont perform. Ok, i get to be a cigarette girl from the 1920's. The more different experiences i have, the better.

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when friends of mine are no longer friends among themselves, i feel lost.

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i crave new ink. And piercings.

(and i can't believe i have no money left. :( )

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and love. New or old, just sheer old-fashioned well-behaved Quixotic LOVE.

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this chaos is getting all of me. The best of me. i need to hear from someone that i can do it, i can do this. No, i don't believe in myself, so i need others to.

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who is sweetie? who am i?

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i should be doing other things...

...

like prepping for class, or my costume for tomorrow.

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time for class. Damn this hangover!

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i am tired of always feeling cold. i definitely must be sick.
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