Saturday, April 21, 2007

*find a safe place, brace yourself*

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"and You're the only place that feels like home
just so you know, You'll never know ... and some secrets weren't meant to be told"
(fall out boy)

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lying in bed, listening to a radio show from 1951 with Bob Hope and Lucille Ball. So, what's new? oh, it's saturday already? Yeah, i know. And because Master is still quite sick, and i am not supposed to be out of bed (but for 7 minutes per hour, today) i haven't eaten yet. So soon enough i'll get up and make something to eat.
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my legs look argh! really. yesterday i removed the bandages. At least i have the socks and pj pants to keep them covered. Even i get sick from looking at all those bruises. Nah! i don't mind them, and they don't really hurt. But that's why i should stay in bed, so those fuckers heal up soon enough and don't hurt.
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and my head... quite ditzy. On thursday i went back to watch GTO, and watched from episodes 8 - 19. And photoshop. Master got even worse from His flu, so yesterday He had to go to the doctor. i really hope He get's better, He looks so helpless. Yesterday, more photoshop. Finally edited all the worthwhile photos from our trip. Yup. Weeee!!! And after that, more GTO. Episodes 20 - 37. i guess i'll finish watching it today. Only 6 episodes left, anyway.
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Master is such a darling. Taking care of me while He Himself is so sick. i feel great, but i have to stay in bed as not to screw up my legs.
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and then, another strike out. Master may have to travel on business tomorrow night. Leaving me alone for a week. alone. And my performance is friday. He won't be here.
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as for the performance, i'll do my best. i will. i go back to the doctor on wednesday to remove the last of the surgical tape covering my bruises, then i figure out when to go back to work.
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(toy art - photo taken at MMM, last sunday)


i'm still afraid to go outside. but... last night, after watching 17 episodes of GTO, non-stop, i felt the urge to get up and have some fresh fruit, and breath the cool night breeze. It was almost unreal. i feel so confined, i feel so well i have to keep reminding myself that my legs were poked up and i'm not suposed to get up. i'm so afraid... afraid of being alone, afraid of going outside, afraid...
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well... i will wait and see. my nails need doing, and i have students essays to correct.A performance to create, and songs to pick. Choreography, costumes... That will keep me busy. i guess. And wait...
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(photos inspired in
http://suicidegirls.com/members/Madness44947/ and our love in common for Rent):

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and so time passes us by, again and again...
"i found the cure to growing older... and i am sorry my conscience called in sick again, and i've got arrogance down to a science... Oh, and i'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends. You can't cover it up."
(fall out boy)
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