Tuesday, April 24, 2007


Have you ever used a word, without knowing that very word, only to find out later that you used it correctly and you knew it? i did that last night. Epiphanies are strange.
i'm sooooo tired. It's warm today, hot even. i don't sleep well when it's too hot.
My legs hurt. i know, mea culpa. i could take pain killers, but i'd rather lurk in self-commiseration.
On the other hand, i am quite happy with my purchases from the day, so let's call it a tie.
So... the afternoon was spent watching burlesque videos. Fine. i'm saturated. And ready to rock.
i read a paper for work, and started to correct student's assignments. But at that very moment, i was overcome by a devastating feeling of nothingness, so i just played Animal Crossing instead. As always. Come on, i have a mortage of 590.000 bells to pay now. That is a LOT of fishing.
i really want to take photos. But i don't want to do it myself. i miss taking silly poser photos with friends. Which is the reason i started writing this post in the first place...

(old photo)

friends. Once again, i have very few next to me. Mostly work mates, and students that are fun to talk to. My friends are far, or on-line. Will it always be so? i had some friends when i was with Lily, but when we moved, it took me living on my own to make my own friends. Good friends, that i miss now. And now? Making friends takes caring, calling, going out, going to school, having things in common. i feel like a failure, relationship-wise.
i really wish i had friends to come over now. Not one, nearby. A lot, on the other side of the screen. But it's never the same.(two friends hanging out at college. RR-2006)
i also really want to sort out my sewing supplies. i need drawers for that, and space. It's all a big mess. Awell, i bought crochet needles and thread today. i never crocheted, but i would like to. i'll keep those handy for the day i am so bored i actually feel like crocheting.
just a lame post, so let's add some content, at least near the end of it...

"I DIED for beauty, but was scarce
Adjusted in the tomb,
When one who died for truth was lain
In an adjoining room.

He questioned softly why I failed?
“For beauty,” I replied.
“And I for truth,—the two are one;
We brethren are,” he said.

And so, as kinsmen met a night,
We talked between the rooms,
Until the moss had reached our lips,
And covered up our names."

Emily Dickinson.

No comments: